Not the Smoking gun I was Hoping For

I’m feeling a bit discouraged today. A few months back I got my hands on my k-12 school file. I was exited because it had results from several rounds of psychological testing. I thought would help confirm my brain damage from ECT.   The problem? 

I had some pretty profound learning disabilities before ECT.  My neurologist’s current stance is

maybe you were always this way.

Which is absurd and infuriating. Being inadvertently gas-lit always rubs me the wrong way. Profound as my learning disabilities are, the are nothing compared to the after affects of shock. I didn’t “always” have dementia. These disabilities also make it easy for doctors and psychologists to discredit my judgment of my circumstances even further. His response also shows he’s buying into the same bs about shock not causing long term damage; a stunning position for someone who has dedicated his life to understanding the brain to take. It’s more than a little irritating to hear this crap from yet another doctor, though, unfortunately not surprising- The shock industry has done a superb job at miss informing everyone. Anyways, without any IQ testing before shock I can’t effectively argue that I wasn’t always this way.

Looking over the test results in my school file the tests don’t appear to be useful; they’re more geared towards education and show a lot of the same cognitive problems present in my more recent neuro-testing,  i.e. trouble with numbers and attention etc. 

I’m going to scrutinize the scores little more deeply and try cross reference them with my current neuro testing, but I think it’s safe to say it’s not the smoking gun I was hoping for.

Boo.

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